The Price of Pride
by haylefyre
Summary: After Fenris betrays him in the Fade, Asher Hawke tries to be understanding. He really does. But sometimes Fenris just doesn't know when to stop.


When it happened, Asher Hawke almost couldn't believe it. Surely, this wasn't real. This was some trick, to get him to attack Fenris. There was no way the elf would betray him that easily. Varric had turned on them as quickly not long ago, and that had hurt, but Hawke could write it off as a symptom of grief - he knew Varric was not dealing with what had happened to Bartrand as well as he wanted everyone to believe.

But Fenris? Strong-willed, stubborn, magic-hating Fenris, betraying him for a demon's promise? If Fenris wasn't drawing his weapon and approaching him with a determined look, Hawke still wouldn't believe it.

"Fenris, what are you doing?" he called out, pulling his staff from his back and preparing for battle.

The elf merely growled and swung his heavy sword in Hawke's direction. Hawke had to literally leap out of the way to avoid being sliced in half.

"Fenris, it's me! Stop this madness!" he called out, even as he cast a glyph to slow the warrior's attack. But Fenris's assault did not slow, and it was all Hawke could do to stay out of his range. The elf was wicked fast and lithe, and Hawke suspected the only reason he had not already fallen was that he knew Fenris's fighting style so well. He knew the beginnings of each of Fenris's signature attacks, and could duck out of the way a fraction of a moment before the elf's blade would land.

Hawke fired off attacks when he could, spirit bolts and lightning spells, but none seemed to phase the warrior, and Hawke could feel himself tiring. The elf had far more stamina than Hawke, and Asher knew it was only a matter of time before those glancing blows and near misses turned into serious wounds.

He was aware of Justice fighting the demon alone in the background, but he couldn't spare the spirit any help. Hawke was struggling to maintain enough mana for his arcane shield while still casting offensive spells and keeping his focus to avoid being impaled or disemboweled.

Then it happened. One wrong step, and Fenris caught him full in the chest with a heavy swing. Hawke felt the air rush from his body, felt his ribs nearly buckle under the strength of the blow, even through his arcane shield. Asher stumbled and collapsed, his shield faltering and failing. Fenris stood above him, sword raised, ready to deliver the final blow.

A blast of ice crashed into Fenris, knocking the elf to the side and temporarily freezing him in place. Justice paused his attack to glance at Hawke. Asher stared back. He knew there was nothing else to do. Justice nodded, and turned back to the elf. Hawke struggled to stand, but could only watch weakly as Fenris burst from his frozen prison.

Justice resumed his assault, distracting Fenris while Hawke's mana returned enough for a small healing spell. He wasn't as skilled as Anders, but it would have to do for now. When the crippling pain in his chest had dulled to a heavy ache and his had strength returned enough to stand, he found the battle nearly over. Fenris was down on one knee, his sword knocked away, blood running down his arm. His armor was singed and knicked from Justice's assault, and Hawke could tell he was almost finished, but still he tried to stand. His face was twisted in rage.

Hawke strode warily to stand next to Justice. Fenris snarled, and Hawke brought the end of his staff down on Fenris's head. The elf collapsed in a heap, and did not rise again.

"Come, we still have work to do," Hawke muttered after a moment. Justice nodded and followed after him.

It had been a few days since Hawke had saved the dreamer. The boy had left to seek out others in the world that might have the knowledge to help him, and Hawke had wished him luck.

Varric had apologized profusely immediately after they exited the Fade. Hawke assured him he was not angry, and would not hold this one moment of weakness against him. Not long later, they were laughing and drinking together over another game of Wicked Grace. Fenris had been there when Varric pulled Asher aside, and Hawke had hoped that the elf would also take the opportunity to speak to him.

When the elf remained silent, Asher wrote it off as the private warrior simply being too ashamed to bring it up in front of others. Hawke didn't think anything of it, but when days had passed and Fenris still did not speak, Hawke decided to pay him a visit.

He found Fenris in his bedroom, alone with a bottle of wine. When he entered, Fenris stood and approached him, and Hawke did not even have time for a greeting before the elf spoke.

"I've been thinking about what happened in the Fade." Hawke arched his brows. Perhaps the Fade had been worth it, if Fenris learned to stop condemning all mages now that he himself had fallen so easily to demons. But then Fenris continued. "I apologize for my weakness, but the more I think about it, the more I believe you are also to blame."

Hawke's jaw dropped. "You can't be serious," he replied, but Fenris continued.

"Why did you take me into the Fade? We should have hunted the boy's body down and killed him."

Hawke gaped at the elf, but Fenris only stared back, face dead set and serious. Hawke could feel his blood beginning to boil, and forced himself to remain calm. He didn't want another fight with Fenris. He was getting bloody sick of their spats by now.

So instead he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, and told the elf, "If you didn't want to come, you should have said so."

But Fenris wouldn't let it go. "I was willing to stand by your side. You shouldn't have been there in the first place. You are strong, Hawke, but not all mages -"

"Not all mages? " Hawke interrupted, unable to bear another word. "Not all mages can withstand demons? Is that what you were going to say?"

Fenris pursed his lips and held his tongue.

"If you recall what happened in the Fade, you'll remember that neither mage fell under the demon's influence, but you and Varric did." Fenris opened his mouth, likely to give some half-baked excuse or put the blame on Hawke again. But Hawke didn't want to hear any of it, and cut him off before he even began. "No, you shut your mouth, and you listen to what I'm about to tell you. Listen, and think awfully bloody hard about what you've said to me today.

"The demon tempted me with my family." He paused and let that sink in. "My entire family was there. My father, my brother, my sister, my mother. They were there, telling me they missed me, they loved me, that if I just stayed there, gave in, I could be with them again.

"And I wanted it. I wanted it more than I've ever wanted anything. To see my family again, to be with them, to be able to tell them how much I cared in ways I never said when they were with me. But I knew. I knew it wasn't true. And I ripped that cursed demon's heart out." Hawke sighed, and rubbed his temples. "The demons tempted me with love. It was the most terrible thing I've ever done, to look into the faces of my family, and cut them down. Knowing they weren't real, knowing they were merely the conjured forms of a demon. It didn't help at all. Their screams..."

Hawke trailed off, and took a moment to collect his thoughts. He didn't want to dwell on these memories. Asher took a deep breath to quench his anger. He decided to just tell Fenris to forget about it, that he didn't blame the elf for giving in, that he didn't want to argue about this anymore. Then Fenris spoke again.

"Regardless, I do not see the harm in my actions. If you had fallen against me, none would have suffered but myself, and you would have been forced to kill the boy. That option now seems preferable to - " A fist cut off whatever Fenris had been planning to say. Hawke had finally snapped.

"I could have been made tranquil, you bloody bastard!" Asher screamed, and Fenris had the good sense to remain quiet. "Did you think about that at all? Do you even care about what you almost did to me? No, I bet you would have been happy. One less mage in the world to worry about, right?"

Hawke turned away in disgust, unable to look at the man any longer.

Fenris seemed to finally comprehend his betrayal, and took a step towards the mage, reaching out a tentative hand. "Hawke, I -"

"No, I don't want to hear another blighted word from you," he spat, and flinched away from Fenris's touch.

"Command me to go, and I shall."

"I don't care what you do," Hawke hissed, turning his back on the elf.

Fenris heard Hawke's angry footsteps fade down the stairs, and finally the slam of the front door. He stood staring at the spot Hawke had occupied, alone with his shame.


End file.
